I've been a little ill again of late (well, a little bit more than a 'little' ill!- more later) and it's taken it's toll on my work yet again. Literally six out of the seven days of last week I was almost bed ridden and in a bit of a state. So, what is this mystery illness? Well, if I were to tell you that it is Clinical Depression and that I was suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks what would you think? You see, this is really the question, what would you think? This is something that I am very conscious of when discussing my illness with friends etc. I do wonder what they think..... for example, I was supposed to travel down to Evesham with some friends for Martin Gibbons excellent Medieval WAB event Havok! I started feeling ill on the Friday evening and by the time Saturday came around it was looking very unlikely that I would make it down even, as my girlfriend offered, she was to drive me there. I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence but I do know folk have varying degrees of understanding when it comes to the psychological and physical traits of depression. I got the feeling that my friends were quite angry with me for not making it. to be honest it wouldn't be the first time- but- if I'm ill I sometimes can't do crowds. Imagine having major panic attacks in a room full of 30 wargamers all buisy rolling dice and having a good time! Some may think, it's not a 'real' illness or you'll get over it and start feeling better (to some extent this is true). The thing is, according to my psychiatrists I am always going to have the shadow of Clinical Depression hanging over me. It isn't the flu and it will be there to some extent, probably for the rest of my life. It's about managing the illness and of late this has been undertaken in a very professional manner by the great Psychiatry team they have in Durham. Kudos to those guys- you know who you are!
OK, so why mention this in a blog about Late Medieval Warfare? It's simply a matter of getting the word out to folk who read the blog and having a real need to express myself on the subject. I'm not trying to play you guys some sort of 'blue jam', merely bringing to attention the problems that I have faced over the past few years and especially over the last seven or eight months.
I'm pleased to say that although I was ill haven't remain idol and pulled out of their soft wrappings some of my original HYW Perry stuff that was painted up for Agincourt. I decided to set about putting together a few vignettes as it seemed such a shame to waste such brilliant sculpts. Over the next week or so I'll be posting pics of these before diving back into then Verneuil stuff. There should also be some news on the terrain for the Battle of Cravant that I am modelling.